Life in boarding school is unfathomably different that teaching in Dorchester. I know some of you were worried that my new students wouldn't provide as much hilarity as my old students. Fear not, kids are kids, so here's a quick story....
Each week I make my students write a 5-4-3-2-1 reflection: 5 things they learned this week, 4 things they have questions about, 3 things things they want to learn more about, 2 really great things that happened this past week (they don't have to be science related) and one thing they can improve on for next week.
For the two really great things that happened, most kids said "I made Varsity Soccer," "I get to go home this weekend" or "I got an XBox 360," except Britany.
"a. Yesterday I was on AIM and I talked to my friend that graduated 2 years ago .We have this joke about someone at new Hampton, and we call her bushels because of her eyebrows, and I told her I am living in her dorm this year. . .and she was like I’m going to come over and visit and sleep in her bed and play with her eye brows with my pinky. And I almost died I was laughing so hard.
b. And theeennn. I was talking to her some more, and she just got out of rehab . . . and she was like yeah I’m doing really well, I don’t have a shot of whiskey with my cheerios anymore. HAHA she’s realllly funny. "
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Cause for Celebration
March 6, 2006
I opened my inbox to see that I received an email from the Headmaster at a school that I had been interviewing for:
Dear Ilana,
We are pleased to offer you….
Whhaaahoooo! I have a job for next year where I don’t have to pay rent and I get to ski! Sweeeeet! My mentor teacher and I were pretty much jumping around doing the happy dance when one of our students walked into the lab.
Whoa Ms. Why you so happy? You gettin’ married?
Nope, J.J. I got a job!
Oh, haha Ms. You were so happy, I thought you musta gotta man.
I opened my inbox to see that I received an email from the Headmaster at a school that I had been interviewing for:
Dear Ilana,
We are pleased to offer you….
Whhaaahoooo! I have a job for next year where I don’t have to pay rent and I get to ski! Sweeeeet! My mentor teacher and I were pretty much jumping around doing the happy dance when one of our students walked into the lab.
Whoa Ms. Why you so happy? You gettin’ married?
Nope, J.J. I got a job!
Oh, haha Ms. You were so happy, I thought you musta gotta man.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Retreat
Retreat.
Re-treat
n. a. The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant. b. A place affording peace, quiet, privacy, or security.
So when I was told we would be having a three-day retreat for school, I assumed we’d all tramp off into the woods somewhere and sing Kumbaya. Ok, well maybe not the woods, but definitely sing Kumbaya. No, not so much. Evidently a retreat is a fancy way of saying FOUR HOUR MEETING to plan for next year (and if you do the math it’s really a 12 hour meeting). The first two days of the retreat were held in one of the rooms in the old wing of the school, which coincidentally used to be the boys locker room and as a result of its previous inhabitants smells like a sock. The last day of the retreat took place yesterday at the Blarney Stone in Fields Corner. This trendy restaurant once was one of the shadiest dive bars in town, and as a result is a complete anomaly sitting on a corner between a strip mall and YUM YUM’s Chinese take-out (they also deliver).
It was noon when I arrived at the Blarney Stone; unsure of where to park the Mothership (my very sexy, green, 1997 Mercury Villager minivan, complete with duct tape that is both stylish and functional) I pulled into the lot of the strip mall and attempted to park as close to the Blarney Stone as possible. I was about to leave the car when I noticed a sign that read “30 minute parking only –Violators will be towed at owners expense.” Not because I am a perfect law abiding citizen, but because I would have a complete nervous breakdown if my car were to be towed, I moved to the two-hour parking zone in the middle of the lot. Now this, my friends is what your high school English teachers referred to as “foreshadowing.”
It was 2:30pm and we were just about finished presenting our paper plate awards which we made at the last retreat (ok, so we may not have been in the woods, nor did we sign Kumbaya, but we did do crafts). I received the “Best Rapport with the Hooligans Award” for teaching the chemistry kids that I have. Nichole was in the middle of presenting the “Awesomeness Award” to Dan when James, who had gone out to his car, came rushing into the restaurant. He was holding a business card and looking very distressed as he whispered to another teacher. “They did what?” she exclaimed. Another teacher yelled, “They towed James and Rash’s cars!” Now let’s pause here for one second. To the three drugged out, nomadic men sitting outside on the sidewalk this is what the scene must have looked like:
Man runs into restaurant holding a slip of paper. One minute later three females run out of the restaurant to their cars. A stream of thirty people, who all sprint to their cars, follows these three women. Cars immediate pull out of parking spaces, swerve around the lot and park in different places. The thirty or so people sit in their cars for a few moments, then walk calmly into the restaurant. About 30 minutes later these same thirty odd people cheerfully return to their cars and leave the premises.
What the men thought of this, I’ll never know. But I’m sure it looked utterly absurd because when we all rushed out to our cars there was no tow truck in sight. And once again, my neuroticism saved me $120 in towing fees and a phone call to my dad.
Re-treat
n. a. The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant. b. A place affording peace, quiet, privacy, or security.
So when I was told we would be having a three-day retreat for school, I assumed we’d all tramp off into the woods somewhere and sing Kumbaya. Ok, well maybe not the woods, but definitely sing Kumbaya. No, not so much. Evidently a retreat is a fancy way of saying FOUR HOUR MEETING to plan for next year (and if you do the math it’s really a 12 hour meeting). The first two days of the retreat were held in one of the rooms in the old wing of the school, which coincidentally used to be the boys locker room and as a result of its previous inhabitants smells like a sock. The last day of the retreat took place yesterday at the Blarney Stone in Fields Corner. This trendy restaurant once was one of the shadiest dive bars in town, and as a result is a complete anomaly sitting on a corner between a strip mall and YUM YUM’s Chinese take-out (they also deliver).
It was noon when I arrived at the Blarney Stone; unsure of where to park the Mothership (my very sexy, green, 1997 Mercury Villager minivan, complete with duct tape that is both stylish and functional) I pulled into the lot of the strip mall and attempted to park as close to the Blarney Stone as possible. I was about to leave the car when I noticed a sign that read “30 minute parking only –Violators will be towed at owners expense.” Not because I am a perfect law abiding citizen, but because I would have a complete nervous breakdown if my car were to be towed, I moved to the two-hour parking zone in the middle of the lot. Now this, my friends is what your high school English teachers referred to as “foreshadowing.”
It was 2:30pm and we were just about finished presenting our paper plate awards which we made at the last retreat (ok, so we may not have been in the woods, nor did we sign Kumbaya, but we did do crafts). I received the “Best Rapport with the Hooligans Award” for teaching the chemistry kids that I have. Nichole was in the middle of presenting the “Awesomeness Award” to Dan when James, who had gone out to his car, came rushing into the restaurant. He was holding a business card and looking very distressed as he whispered to another teacher. “They did what?” she exclaimed. Another teacher yelled, “They towed James and Rash’s cars!” Now let’s pause here for one second. To the three drugged out, nomadic men sitting outside on the sidewalk this is what the scene must have looked like:
Man runs into restaurant holding a slip of paper. One minute later three females run out of the restaurant to their cars. A stream of thirty people, who all sprint to their cars, follows these three women. Cars immediate pull out of parking spaces, swerve around the lot and park in different places. The thirty or so people sit in their cars for a few moments, then walk calmly into the restaurant. About 30 minutes later these same thirty odd people cheerfully return to their cars and leave the premises.
What the men thought of this, I’ll never know. But I’m sure it looked utterly absurd because when we all rushed out to our cars there was no tow truck in sight. And once again, my neuroticism saved me $120 in towing fees and a phone call to my dad.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Graduation Hilarity
Now that we’ve gotten that sentimental nonsense out of the way with regard to graduation, we can get down to brass tacks: the funny things that happened during and after the ceremony.
During the Ceremony
Per the requirements of high school graduation handbook (circa 1954) there must be a panel of “honored guests” who sit on the stage wondering how on earth they got roped into attending yet another graduation. Perhaps the Mayor was having this very thought when our beloved female 26 year-old college counselor said to him, “Can you move?” Confused, perhaps because he was addressed in the same manor as someone blocking a fire extinguisher or because he was roused from his dream about playing golf, he responded with a grunt and by sliding his chair over about 6 inches.
As one female student was walking up to receive her diploma, awash in cheers and applause, a guy stood on a chair and yelled, “Cut it out, she has a man!”
A male student from my chemistry class was graduating (by the grace of some higher power). A teacher sitting by me turns and says, “Can we booo him?” My response, “His parents are sitting behind us.” Oops.
The After Party
I called my mom to tell her about the after party and literally the first thing she said to me was, “did you drink alcohol?” “um, yes, mom I did…” “Oh thank the lord!” So on that note, here are some of the fine quotes from our post-graduation party.
Every teacher and almost every student has a nickname given to him/her by our dean of discipline (mine is Front Line: not because I prevent ticks and fleas, but because I had the toughest group of kids in the entire school). So the Gap Model (so named by the students because he is very skinny, has a mop of brown hair and wears square, black rimmed glasses) had been at the bar for about 15 minutes when our headmaster walked in. Everyone is applauding her for the evening’s success when the Gap Model yells, “whhaaooo, Body Shots baby!”
Later in the evening the Gap Model walks past an English teacher and her boyfriend. As he is passing the picture perfect couple is says, “Now isn’t he a tall drink of water.” Of note may be that the Gap Model was married to a young woman this past August. You don’t really have to wonder who wears the pants in that marriage…
I was having a conversation with the dean of discipline and this is what said to me:
“You are low maintenance pretending to be high maintenance.”
During the Ceremony
Per the requirements of high school graduation handbook (circa 1954) there must be a panel of “honored guests” who sit on the stage wondering how on earth they got roped into attending yet another graduation. Perhaps the Mayor was having this very thought when our beloved female 26 year-old college counselor said to him, “Can you move?” Confused, perhaps because he was addressed in the same manor as someone blocking a fire extinguisher or because he was roused from his dream about playing golf, he responded with a grunt and by sliding his chair over about 6 inches.
As one female student was walking up to receive her diploma, awash in cheers and applause, a guy stood on a chair and yelled, “Cut it out, she has a man!”
A male student from my chemistry class was graduating (by the grace of some higher power). A teacher sitting by me turns and says, “Can we booo him?” My response, “His parents are sitting behind us.” Oops.
The After Party
Every teacher and almost every student has a nickname given to him/her by our dean of discipline (mine is Front Line: not because I prevent ticks and fleas, but because I had the toughest group of kids in the entire school). So the Gap Model (so named by the students because he is very skinny, has a mop of brown hair and wears square, black rimmed glasses) had been at the bar for about 15 minutes when our headmaster walked in. Everyone is applauding her for the evening’s success when the Gap Model yells, “whhaaooo, Body Shots baby!”
Later in the evening the Gap Model walks past an English teacher and her boyfriend. As he is passing the picture perfect couple is says, “Now isn’t he a tall drink of water.” Of note may be that the Gap Model was married to a young woman this past August. You don’t really have to wonder who wears the pants in that marriage…
I was having a conversation with the dean of discipline and this is what said to me:
“You are low maintenance pretending to be high maintenance.”
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The First Graduation
I’ve been to a couple graduations: from kindergarten in 1988, with mortarboards made from cardboard and yarn and a graduating class of about twenty, to graduate school in 2006, with black robes, velveteen hoods, mortarboards that are still made of cardboard and a class of 2,500 people. But last night was like nothing I have ever been apart of before.
I should have known this would be no ordinary graduation, nothing at my school in ordinary. For starters, the ceremony took place in the Great Hall at Faneuil Hall (photo not from graduation) as opposed to the dingy, frigid auditorium in the school complex. Doors did not open until 6:30pm, yet when I arrived at 5:15 there were already about 75 people jockeying for optimal position in “line.” When the doors finally did open it was like Pamplona: parents and grandparents hold babies, cousins and friends charged up the old stairs. Someone should have given the junior class officers who were distributing programs riot gear, because I definitely saw one girl dodge multiple elbows. Once the hordes of ecstatic spectators made their way to the wooden seats, it was time for the waterworks to begin.
The mayor, the superintendent, the commissioner and school committee members all spoke, still dry eyes and mild golf claps. The valedictorian spoke, a few tears and a couple cheers. Then a surprise scholarship. Even the babies stopped crying. A man who graduated from the school in 1950 donated his entire pension to set up $500,000 scholarship. The scholarship will start off at $12,000 for the first year of college and grow to $50,000. The only people who knew about this scholarship were the four administrators and the college counselors, so even the teachers sat with baited breath. The headmaster began to describe the individual who would be getting the award, “Energetic and passionate, SHE…” and with this little word, 2/3 of the graduating class slumped back in their chairs. The headmaster called the man up to the stage to say a few words before announcing the winner. His speech left the entire audience bawling as he shouted to the graduating class, “and remember NEVER QUIT!” It was the class president who won the award, fortunately she was sitting on the stage because she could barely stand when her name was announced. Thanking the man for the unbelievable scholarship, she began her presidential address by recollecting some fond memories: the senior skip day….in January…in the rain….to get Chinese food…and the phone calls home that the headmaster made to each and every parent…
Only one speech stood between the graduates and their diplomas: the Headmaster’s, “Many of you would not have made it if it were not for the teachers holding you up, but there have also been sometimes when the teachers would not have made it, if it were not for you holding them up.” She paused briefly before continuing, “I had only known you for three weeks when I stood before you and told you that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and in the coming weeks I would lose all my hair, wear a wig and be very sick…Over the past four years we have buried mothers, grandmothers, brothers and friends, we have been without homes and families, we have even had one birth. Yet tonight we are here, 91% of you going to 2-4 year colleges and having raised $1.25 million dollars in scholarships.” Finally it was time to give out the diplomas. This was the most unbelievable part of the night, people rushed the stage when their student was called. Behind me one grandmother stood on a chair screaming and snapping pictures. Families waved homemade pennants touting their student’s name and held up camera phones to quickly share this moment with others. I have never seen so much energy, happiness and pride in one room in my entire life; it was truly something exceptional.
I should have known this would be no ordinary graduation, nothing at my school in ordinary. For starters, the ceremony took place in the Great Hall at Faneuil Hall (photo not from graduation) as opposed to the dingy, frigid auditorium in the school complex. Doors did not open until 6:30pm, yet when I arrived at 5:15 there were already about 75 people jockeying for optimal position in “line.” When the doors finally did open it was like Pamplona: parents and grandparents hold babies, cousins and friends charged up the old stairs. Someone should have given the junior class officers who were distributing programs riot gear, because I definitely saw one girl dodge multiple elbows. Once the hordes of ecstatic spectators made their way to the wooden seats, it was time for the waterworks to begin.
The mayor, the superintendent, the commissioner and school committee members all spoke, still dry eyes and mild golf claps. The valedictorian spoke, a few tears and a couple cheers. Then a surprise scholarship. Even the babies stopped crying. A man who graduated from the school in 1950 donated his entire pension to set up $500,000 scholarship. The scholarship will start off at $12,000 for the first year of college and grow to $50,000. The only people who knew about this scholarship were the four administrators and the college counselors, so even the teachers sat with baited breath. The headmaster began to describe the individual who would be getting the award, “Energetic and passionate, SHE…” and with this little word, 2/3 of the graduating class slumped back in their chairs. The headmaster called the man up to the stage to say a few words before announcing the winner. His speech left the entire audience bawling as he shouted to the graduating class, “and remember NEVER QUIT!” It was the class president who won the award, fortunately she was sitting on the stage because she could barely stand when her name was announced. Thanking the man for the unbelievable scholarship, she began her presidential address by recollecting some fond memories: the senior skip day….in January…in the rain….to get Chinese food…and the phone calls home that the headmaster made to each and every parent…
Only one speech stood between the graduates and their diplomas: the Headmaster’s, “Many of you would not have made it if it were not for the teachers holding you up, but there have also been sometimes when the teachers would not have made it, if it were not for you holding them up.” She paused briefly before continuing, “I had only known you for three weeks when I stood before you and told you that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and in the coming weeks I would lose all my hair, wear a wig and be very sick…Over the past four years we have buried mothers, grandmothers, brothers and friends, we have been without homes and families, we have even had one birth. Yet tonight we are here, 91% of you going to 2-4 year colleges and having raised $1.25 million dollars in scholarships.” Finally it was time to give out the diplomas. This was the most unbelievable part of the night, people rushed the stage when their student was called. Behind me one grandmother stood on a chair screaming and snapping pictures. Families waved homemade pennants touting their student’s name and held up camera phones to quickly share this moment with others. I have never seen so much energy, happiness and pride in one room in my entire life; it was truly something exceptional.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Random comment
Student: aww Ms. are you gonna be here next year?
Me: no, I’m going to NH.
Student: can I stalk you?
Me: no, stalking is not cool
Student: can I watch from a far? (he then breaks into song “you are the wind beneath my wings”)
Am I creeped out or am I flattered? I’m going with creeped out.
Me: no, I’m going to NH.
Student: can I stalk you?
Me: no, stalking is not cool
Student: can I watch from a far? (he then breaks into song “you are the wind beneath my wings”)
Am I creeped out or am I flattered? I’m going with creeped out.
Lab practicum
Oh the lab practicum exam. If you’ve never had the “pleasure” of taking an 8am ecology course at Colby, you’ve also missed out on the epic experience that is the jabberwocky of all lab practicums. Economics majors may have the 345 and English majors may have critical theory, but these pale in comparison to a 2+ hour exam where you need to know 300+ species (English and Latin names, classification, adaptations, habitats etc..). One aspect of this Sisyphean task is a rotation through 60 stations, complete with an ear drum shattering buzzer every minute signaling that you are to progress to the next task.
The biology class I help out in had their lab practicum today. Only 15 stations and the teacher built in three rest stations…lucky kids….
At a station involving cellular respiration there was a bottle filled with yeast, water and molasses. Covering the top of the bottle is a balloon that expands as carbon dioxide is released as a product of cellular respiration. Four students are hovering around this station (note: there is only supposed to be one person per station). The teacher is walking towards the students to see why they are all on the same station when she overhears them talking about the answers.
--It’s is filled with carbon dioxide (Hooray! This is the right answer).
--Naw, it’s nitrogen
--No, air.
--It’s filled with yeast.
The students disperse, as the teacher is about to tell them to go back to their own stations. When she flips through the tests, she compares the four student’s answers who cheated and worked together. Despite their conversation, no two students had the same answer and the student who actually said “carbon dioxide” decided to opt for nitrogen. Oh dear.
The biology class I help out in had their lab practicum today. Only 15 stations and the teacher built in three rest stations…lucky kids….
At a station involving cellular respiration there was a bottle filled with yeast, water and molasses. Covering the top of the bottle is a balloon that expands as carbon dioxide is released as a product of cellular respiration. Four students are hovering around this station (note: there is only supposed to be one person per station). The teacher is walking towards the students to see why they are all on the same station when she overhears them talking about the answers.
--It’s is filled with carbon dioxide (Hooray! This is the right answer).
--Naw, it’s nitrogen
--No, air.
--It’s filled with yeast.
The students disperse, as the teacher is about to tell them to go back to their own stations. When she flips through the tests, she compares the four student’s answers who cheated and worked together. Despite their conversation, no two students had the same answer and the student who actually said “carbon dioxide” decided to opt for nitrogen. Oh dear.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Quote of the Day
"Your breath smells like dirty hot dog water."
~ a male student to a female student (it's true, she does have pretty rancid breath).
~ a male student to a female student (it's true, she does have pretty rancid breath).
Film Festival & Field Trips
Film Festival
There is a course offered to juniors and seniors called "media seminar" where they write, storyboard, direct/star in and edit a movie. This morning we had a screening of 10 short films on topics ranging from public service announcements on sexual assault to a music video and original rap about the seniors experience the past four years. I was psyched to see one of the films that was shown was the "slang video." Some of you have seen this and for those of you who haven't I'll try my best to due justice to the hilarity that ensues in this five minute clip.
The premise is that the students needed to create a visual dictionary for a language class. The scenes cut between an all star ganstah and wanna be Robin Leech.
Ganstah: Oh geee!
Robin Leech: A highly respected individual who owns everything within a 20 mile radius.
Gangstah: Yo look at that fly honey rockin’ all that ice!
Robin Leech: Take a gander at that fine specimen of a young lady over yonder wearing all that expensive jewelry.
Gangatah: Sal-ted!
Robin Leech: To be proved wrong or insulted
The list goes on and is absolutely hilarious.
Field trips:
Ok, I’m jealous. Not just a little bit jealous but seething. My co-teacher is chaperoning a field trip for 12 kids to Fenway Park for a private tour and to meet staff to see “how the Red Sox integrate technology.”
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
E-portfolio Reflections
The culminating project for all students is an e-portfolio showcasing their best work in all subjects from the year. Students create a website which includes a homepage, a page for each subject that links to their two best projects from that class, reflections on those projects and lastly a (minimum) five paragraph reflective essay on what they learned etc... Here are some entertaining excerpts from three of my Biology students.
EDIT: this one just added*
There has to be some spark in me that ignites into fire, causing me to produce work of pure genius. I wouldn’t say that my DNA Summary project was one of pure excellency, but it is one that I learned a great deal....One thing that I have learned that I must keep in mind is the concept of evolution. I come from a religion that shuns this form of belief. I used to be afraid to even consider it for the fear that I may be ridiculed or seen as a traitor. I feel that the fact that I am faced with this notion more makes me see things differently. I shouldn’t only consider what I have been brought up in or what I feel comfortable with, I should consider the fact that evolution is highly possible and that there is concrete evidence to back up this theory.
One of the first things that I was most proud of in biology this year was my hemophilia project that I did. This project had a lot to do with it because one I don’t like learning about blood because I feel weak, but anyways we had to make a poster about a type of disease. I have no idea why I picked hemophilia but it sounded cool, come to find out it has to do with blood. (junior boy)
At the start of the year when I did a mini reflection for Biology I was asked the question what did you find interesting about biology so far. My answer was, “I really don’t like biology so I don’t find anything interesting about it.” But as you see from my previous paragraph I have found at least one thing interesting. My view of biology still hasn’t changed much though. I still do believe that science it boring and I still don’t see why we would ever have to take an MCAS test on Biology. (sophomore girl who is very religious and when asked by another teacher how she liked science she said, Ms. S is always talkin' bout evolution, I don't believe in it. But she's nice so I just smile and nod.)
The year’s ending, and that means no more Biology Honors or Ms. S., and that makes me sad :-( Biology Honors was big step up from Physics last year, with the “Triangles of Doom” and all. During this year, I got to learn many things, things I never even knew about before. (sophomore boy)
EDIT: this one just added*
There has to be some spark in me that ignites into fire, causing me to produce work of pure genius. I wouldn’t say that my DNA Summary project was one of pure excellency, but it is one that I learned a great deal....One thing that I have learned that I must keep in mind is the concept of evolution. I come from a religion that shuns this form of belief. I used to be afraid to even consider it for the fear that I may be ridiculed or seen as a traitor. I feel that the fact that I am faced with this notion more makes me see things differently. I shouldn’t only consider what I have been brought up in or what I feel comfortable with, I should consider the fact that evolution is highly possible and that there is concrete evidence to back up this theory.
One of the first things that I was most proud of in biology this year was my hemophilia project that I did. This project had a lot to do with it because one I don’t like learning about blood because I feel weak, but anyways we had to make a poster about a type of disease. I have no idea why I picked hemophilia but it sounded cool, come to find out it has to do with blood. (junior boy)
At the start of the year when I did a mini reflection for Biology I was asked the question what did you find interesting about biology so far. My answer was, “I really don’t like biology so I don’t find anything interesting about it.” But as you see from my previous paragraph I have found at least one thing interesting. My view of biology still hasn’t changed much though. I still do believe that science it boring and I still don’t see why we would ever have to take an MCAS test on Biology. (sophomore girl who is very religious and when asked by another teacher how she liked science she said, Ms. S is always talkin' bout evolution, I don't believe in it. But she's nice so I just smile and nod.)
The year’s ending, and that means no more Biology Honors or Ms. S., and that makes me sad :-( Biology Honors was big step up from Physics last year, with the “Triangles of Doom” and all. During this year, I got to learn many things, things I never even knew about before. (sophomore boy)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Giving new meaning to the expression “watch your back.”
Things that will get you suspended…I’m sure you know a few (fighting, weapons, too many absences etc.)
Well here’s one more you can add to the list: Leap-Frogging over a teacher. I refused to believe this actually happened until receiving confirmation from Mr. M. Poor Mr. M, he had only recently survived a confrontation with Yancy (see post: I don’t think you can handle this…”) There is no way a guy would actually leap-frog over a teacher, this has to be urban legend. Nope, it happened and here’s what went down according to Mr. M:
I was walking down hall and suddenly felt something graze the back of my head and THUD! It landed in front of me. What the fuck just happened? Aaron leap-frogged over me and is balls grazed the back of my head. At which point went home and thoroughly washed my hair because judging by the greasy mop Aaron has hanging down his neck and his dirty fingernails, I doubt that his testicles get washed that often. And, I’m a bit of a germ-a-phobe.
Oh man, the end of the year is coming fast, less than 5 days left before final exams start.
Well here’s one more you can add to the list: Leap-Frogging over a teacher. I refused to believe this actually happened until receiving confirmation from Mr. M. Poor Mr. M, he had only recently survived a confrontation with Yancy (see post: I don’t think you can handle this…”) There is no way a guy would actually leap-frog over a teacher, this has to be urban legend. Nope, it happened and here’s what went down according to Mr. M:
I was walking down hall and suddenly felt something graze the back of my head and THUD! It landed in front of me. What the fuck just happened? Aaron leap-frogged over me and is balls grazed the back of my head. At which point went home and thoroughly washed my hair because judging by the greasy mop Aaron has hanging down his neck and his dirty fingernails, I doubt that his testicles get washed that often. And, I’m a bit of a germ-a-phobe.
Oh man, the end of the year is coming fast, less than 5 days left before final exams start.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Graduation
"The only thing more annoying than hearing pomp and circumstance for 45 minutes is playing pomp and circumstance for 45 minutes," Sandra stated, as we were making our way to the campus center lawn for graduation. In classic Teach Next Year fashion, we managed to be the absolute last graduates to walk into the ceremony.
But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Surely there must have been some rehearsal or line-up so that we, the anxious and proud graduates, would know what to do and where to go on the big day. Nope. There was no semblance of the graduates lining up in alphabetical order and parading from the chapel, past Miller and down to the academic quad where Dean Kassman meticulously practiced murdering our names, while we waited to receive our final grades (some of us with more apprehension than others....Saunders....you passed English, hooray!) Ok, so what did happen behind the scenes? All the graduates met in the gym and were handed a card to fill out and carry with them. The card asked you to fill in, among other things the “Phonetic Pronunciation of your name” (doesn't matter I was still called Ivanah, despite writing E-Lana) and to check off if you were male or female as well as whether or not you had a beard, glasses, mustache etc. So really, I didn’t feel like I was graduating, I felt like I was playing the classic board game, “Guess Who?” Why am I doing all this? Oh, to “ensure that I receive the correct graduation photo.” Just as I am thinking, “is that really a problem?” Sandra quipped, “Yeah, when I graduated from Syracuse they sent me the wrong graduation pictures, apparently I am a black guy with a beard.” Lovely. Ok, so we made our way down to commencement with our complimentary UMASS Boston rain ponchos and were pleasantly surprised to find water bottles on our chairs. Nice touch, so this is what the $150 graduation fee goes to…. All this aside, the ceremony was lovely and Barack Obama was an amazing graduation speaker. After the main ceremony, we broke off into our individual colleges where we unceremoniously received our diplomas. This past year I not only received my Masters in Education, I received a Masters in Bureaucracy.
But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Surely there must have been some rehearsal or line-up so that we, the anxious and proud graduates, would know what to do and where to go on the big day. Nope. There was no semblance of the graduates lining up in alphabetical order and parading from the chapel, past Miller and down to the academic quad where Dean Kassman meticulously practiced murdering our names, while we waited to receive our final grades (some of us with more apprehension than others....Saunders....you passed English, hooray!) Ok, so what did happen behind the scenes? All the graduates met in the gym and were handed a card to fill out and carry with them. The card asked you to fill in, among other things the “Phonetic Pronunciation of your name” (doesn't matter I was still called Ivanah, despite writing E-Lana) and to check off if you were male or female as well as whether or not you had a beard, glasses, mustache etc. So really, I didn’t feel like I was graduating, I felt like I was playing the classic board game, “Guess Who?” Why am I doing all this? Oh, to “ensure that I receive the correct graduation photo.” Just as I am thinking, “is that really a problem?” Sandra quipped, “Yeah, when I graduated from Syracuse they sent me the wrong graduation pictures, apparently I am a black guy with a beard.” Lovely. Ok, so we made our way down to commencement with our complimentary UMASS Boston rain ponchos and were pleasantly surprised to find water bottles on our chairs. Nice touch, so this is what the $150 graduation fee goes to…. All this aside, the ceremony was lovely and Barack Obama was an amazing graduation speaker. After the main ceremony, we broke off into our individual colleges where we unceremoniously received our diplomas. This past year I not only received my Masters in Education, I received a Masters in Bureaucracy.
Exhibitions and news crews
If you've ever been depressed watching the news or are convinced that today's youth are a like a grape juice stain on a wedding dress, think about where you are getting information from. Case in point: last thursday we had an "incident" in the building. I'm not sure if I have explained this before but the school I teach in was part of a big re-vamping of the school system that happened 3 years ago. Over the summer the school, which I'll call the Kennedy School, was broken down into three separate schools: one school per floor, separate bell schedules, classes, start and end times, lunches, staff and administration (the only thing that remains shared are the sports teams). Each school has a different focus: my school is technology, the 2nd floor is business and the third floor is "public service." Students are assigned to various schools via lottery: in the spring they apply to any number of schools that they want to go to and for the most part it is completely random where they end up. My school has a huge waiting list, the school on the 2nd floor has about 75 kids apply, yet 300 end up there and the school on the 3rd floor has all of seven kids apply for 300 spots. Getting the picture? Ok, so the "incident" involved one student with three counts against him, 2 news crews and the Fox news helicopter.
While this whole debacle was going on upstairs, downstairs we were getting ready for exhibition night. Exhibition night is when we showcase the best student work from the year and have the underclass awards ceremony. Some of the student work highlights included a movie that some juniors made about their Facing History trip to Europe, websites displaying everything from sonnets to Macromedia Flash movies, even students re-enacting a scene from Macbeth. At the award ceremony, seven students were lauded for perfect attendance (which even included never being tardy to school). Out of the 55 seniors, 46 have been accepted to 4 year colleges (Smith, Northeastern, Delaware State, UMass, Curry, Suffolk, etc..) and have raised over 1.25 million dollars in scholarship money. But was any of this on the news? Nope. The next time you hear that some kid stole chemicals, tried to make a bomb and ended up blinding himself or that a kid brought a gun to school, please remember not all inner city kids are gangbusters.
While this whole debacle was going on upstairs, downstairs we were getting ready for exhibition night. Exhibition night is when we showcase the best student work from the year and have the underclass awards ceremony. Some of the student work highlights included a movie that some juniors made about their Facing History trip to Europe, websites displaying everything from sonnets to Macromedia Flash movies, even students re-enacting a scene from Macbeth. At the award ceremony, seven students were lauded for perfect attendance (which even included never being tardy to school). Out of the 55 seniors, 46 have been accepted to 4 year colleges (Smith, Northeastern, Delaware State, UMass, Curry, Suffolk, etc..) and have raised over 1.25 million dollars in scholarship money. But was any of this on the news? Nope. The next time you hear that some kid stole chemicals, tried to make a bomb and ended up blinding himself or that a kid brought a gun to school, please remember not all inner city kids are gangbusters.
A night to remember...
for all the right reasons. Prom night came and went without incident. I simply couldn't believe it: no drunk girls falling on the floor, no cat fights, no guys stripped down to their undershirts wearing ties around their heads jumping off chairs. I will say I have never seen so many white pimp suits, so many tattoos or so much color co-ordination in my life. I have discovered that the Prom experience for inner city kids is much different from those who reside in suburbia. For these kids, Prom really is a special one of a kind night. They haven't been jaded by bar and bat-mitzvahs where parents have dropped $40,000-$65,000. I remember walking into my first prom and thinking, "What's the big deal? This is like a walmart knock off of a bar-mitzvah." These kids didn't spend money on a limo which would cart them off to their big night while their parents stood waving in the driveway, the dad thinking "I can't believe we just spent that much money on a limo, we should be getting driven around, not our lousy kid..." These kids were dropped off by mothers, grandmothers, brothers and aunts. The families lingered to take pictures and one girl even brought her 6 year old cousin as her date. Per order of the powers that be, there has to be at least one clothed Boston Police Officer at any dance. The police officer who attended the Prom said he never had an easier night in his life, and to keep himself occupied decided to serve as the personal waiter to the teachers who were sitting at the welcome table. Oh what a night...
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
I don't think you can handle this...
Madonna. Cher. Ozzy. Yancy. I didn’t even know Yancy’s last name and for the first half of school I never even saw her, I just heard her. She was like some mythical creature, what student could have a voice so loud, so recognizable, that teachers in the staff lounge would play “not-it” for who would go into the hall and tell her to pipe down. When I finally did see her, I thought, “that? That’s the girl?” Yancy is 5’1 on a good day and all mouth. With a walk and a hair weave worthy of Saturday Night Live she storms the halls, announcing her presence with the battle cry of “oh noh yooo didn’t!”
Yesterday Yancy charged toward the unsuspecting Mr. M. (a senior class advisor), and hollered, complete with a finger snap and neck swivel, “I don’t think you can handle this!” This confused even Mr. M, who has become accustomed to this kind of bizarre MTV behavior. “Handle what Yancy?” “This!” She proclaimed as she created an ellipse, with her little arm, in the air around body. “All this! I gotta a princess dress and I’mma gonna get my hair dun.” Fearing that Yancy may elaborate he quickly replied in a tired voice “Wow, that’s great Yancy,” as he backed away slowly. So tonight we will see, if we can “handle this.”
Yesterday Yancy charged toward the unsuspecting Mr. M. (a senior class advisor), and hollered, complete with a finger snap and neck swivel, “I don’t think you can handle this!” This confused even Mr. M, who has become accustomed to this kind of bizarre MTV behavior. “Handle what Yancy?” “This!” She proclaimed as she created an ellipse, with her little arm, in the air around body. “All this! I gotta a princess dress and I’mma gonna get my hair dun.” Fearing that Yancy may elaborate he quickly replied in a tired voice “Wow, that’s great Yancy,” as he backed away slowly. So tonight we will see, if we can “handle this.”
Back when I was in school....
Tonight is it. THE BIG NIGHT. Prom night. The zenith of a high school student’s life (hopefully not the pinnacle of their lives…but an important night nonetheless). All the excitement has resurrected some of my own memories from my junior and senior prom.
Junior year, I was apparently so involved in planning the prom, I forgot the “most” important piece: the date. So, with less than 48 hours before the big event, I did what any self-respecting girl would do: while warming up during tennis practice, in between serves, I screamed down the four other courts, “Hey! Does anyone want to go to prom?” This was my last shot for a date (first time I asked anyone….last shot…it’s a fine line..) Luckily, Marky, a senior said, “sure.” Pheww, a narrow escape from disaster.
As a pre-emptive strike against making the same mistake senior year, I asked my best friend, Adam, shortly after Christmas (ahh, yes the prom was not until May). Determined to make my life miserable for the next five months, Adam told me he would tell me on May 1st. Bastard!
So far, the drama has yet to unfold for the first senior prom the school has ever had. In fact, the prom has actually brought out the kinder side of people. One girl does not have the financial resources pay for the $60 ticket. Over the past week her friends and faculty have slipped the senior advisors a $5 bill here and a $10 bill there, so that she could go.
Junior year, I was apparently so involved in planning the prom, I forgot the “most” important piece: the date. So, with less than 48 hours before the big event, I did what any self-respecting girl would do: while warming up during tennis practice, in between serves, I screamed down the four other courts, “Hey! Does anyone want to go to prom?” This was my last shot for a date (first time I asked anyone….last shot…it’s a fine line..) Luckily, Marky, a senior said, “sure.” Pheww, a narrow escape from disaster.
As a pre-emptive strike against making the same mistake senior year, I asked my best friend, Adam, shortly after Christmas (ahh, yes the prom was not until May). Determined to make my life miserable for the next five months, Adam told me he would tell me on May 1st. Bastard!
So far, the drama has yet to unfold for the first senior prom the school has ever had. In fact, the prom has actually brought out the kinder side of people. One girl does not have the financial resources pay for the $60 ticket. Over the past week her friends and faculty have slipped the senior advisors a $5 bill here and a $10 bill there, so that she could go.
Career Counseling
Today we were working on creating review questions using Blooms taxonomy. Cyrus was doing an exceptional job of creating review questions, so I said to him, "Hey, you should be a teacher, these are great questions!" "Naw...Ms., I'd go to jail..."
Oh dear, ok Cyrus, maybe you shouldn't be a teacher.
oh, and tonight is Prom Night. This should be awesome....
Oh dear, ok Cyrus, maybe you shouldn't be a teacher.
oh, and tonight is Prom Night. This should be awesome....
Friday, May 26, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
who will be the last one standing?
My 4th period chemistry class is kind of like Survivor...we even have anyoying theme music thanks to relentess tapping of pens and pencils against tables. But, hey, at least they have something to write with, so maybe I should stop my whining.
14 boys trying to blow up the chemistry lab*…
1 can’t “get with the program”
13 boys trying to blow up the chemistry lab
2 boys fought the law….and the law won
11 boys trying to blow up the chemistry lab
2 boys took their final exam today
1 boy leaves for job core
8 boys no longer trying to blow up the chemistry lab.
With only 2 weeks left before exams, my ulcer, um...er, I mean chemistry class is finally going to settle down. Better late than never. It's truely amazing how individuals can change the dynamic of a class.
*chemistry lab…my sanity…my last nerve…it’s a fine line…
14 boys trying to blow up the chemistry lab*…
1 can’t “get with the program”
13 boys trying to blow up the chemistry lab
2 boys fought the law….and the law won
11 boys trying to blow up the chemistry lab
2 boys took their final exam today
1 boy leaves for job core
8 boys no longer trying to blow up the chemistry lab.
With only 2 weeks left before exams, my ulcer, um...er, I mean chemistry class is finally going to settle down. Better late than never. It's truely amazing how individuals can change the dynamic of a class.
*chemistry lab…my sanity…my last nerve…it’s a fine line…
Monday, May 22, 2006
advice for next year's biology students
Today at the end of class I ask the students to write down three pieces of advice that they would give to the students in biology next year. Of course there were the usual suspects: do your home work; pay attention; study etc.. But here are some of the gems:
1. RUN! RUN! RUN AWAY!!!! (the student who wrote this has a 95 average)
2. Don't take Honors Bio (one student who wrote this has a 70, the other student has a 43).
3. DO NOT!! drop the F-bomb.
4. Don't skip class and expect to get away with it (what makes this funny is this student has perfect attendance).
5. Don't piss off Ms. S. She'll stop class and wait until you apologize for being an ass.
1. RUN! RUN! RUN AWAY!!!! (the student who wrote this has a 95 average)
2. Don't take Honors Bio (one student who wrote this has a 70, the other student has a 43).
3. DO NOT!! drop the F-bomb.
4. Don't skip class and expect to get away with it (what makes this funny is this student has perfect attendance).
5. Don't piss off Ms. S. She'll stop class and wait until you apologize for being an ass.
Friday, May 19, 2006
what do enzymes do?
Reviewing the admit slip quiz of the day, we come to this question:
#11 Complete the following statement.
Enzymes help to _____________ a reaction.
A) slow down
B) catalyze (speed up)
C) change
D) enzymes are not related to reactions.
There is some debate among the class as to whether or not ‘change’ would be an acceptable answer (the correct answer is B). We are about to move on when Cyrus says, “wait, Ms. I thought enzymes were what made you want ya girl.”
Smiling, I start to reply, “no, those are horm--” When Ramon cuts me off, as he elbows Cyrus and says, “That’s enzyte you idiot.”
Great….Ramon knows the drugs for erectile dysfunction, but the last time I checked there wasn’t an MCAS question on that…
#11 Complete the following statement.
Enzymes help to _____________ a reaction.
A) slow down
B) catalyze (speed up)
C) change
D) enzymes are not related to reactions.
There is some debate among the class as to whether or not ‘change’ would be an acceptable answer (the correct answer is B). We are about to move on when Cyrus says, “wait, Ms. I thought enzymes were what made you want ya girl.”
Smiling, I start to reply, “no, those are horm--” When Ramon cuts me off, as he elbows Cyrus and says, “That’s enzyte you idiot.”
Great….Ramon knows the drugs for erectile dysfunction, but the last time I checked there wasn’t an MCAS question on that…
Am I that obvious?
Class: Remedial Biology
Topic: Crash course in cellular respiration
This is the class that I co-teach, and by co-teach I mean work one-on-one with kids who are struggling. And struggle we did. Cellular respiration is my Ambien (yes, it even makes me want to eat). I am desperately trying to feign interest to help Victor understand the intricacies of gylcolysis when from across the room I hear Dennis say, “Who’s this?”
He is sitting by himself, his elbow on the table and he cupping his hand to his ear. Confused and curious to see what will happen next, I pretend not to notice.
“Who the fuck is Margaret?”
(a pause)
“Yo, you have the wrong number?” As Dennis says this he looks up to see not only myself, but the other five students in the room staring at him with looks of “what the heck?”
Sliding his hand into his lap he said, “What, am I that obvious? A guy called and asked for Margaret.”
Victor jumped in before I could say anything, “and you answered your phone?”
Looking around the room, and finding no sympathetic faces to back him up, Dennis looked at me, “well, I didn’t think you’d notice.”
Let’s just say Dennis the CIA won’t be calling you anytime soon to be a secret agent.
Topic: Crash course in cellular respiration
This is the class that I co-teach, and by co-teach I mean work one-on-one with kids who are struggling. And struggle we did. Cellular respiration is my Ambien (yes, it even makes me want to eat). I am desperately trying to feign interest to help Victor understand the intricacies of gylcolysis when from across the room I hear Dennis say, “Who’s this?”
He is sitting by himself, his elbow on the table and he cupping his hand to his ear. Confused and curious to see what will happen next, I pretend not to notice.
“Who the fuck is Margaret?”
(a pause)
“Yo, you have the wrong number?” As Dennis says this he looks up to see not only myself, but the other five students in the room staring at him with looks of “what the heck?”
Sliding his hand into his lap he said, “What, am I that obvious? A guy called and asked for Margaret.”
Victor jumped in before I could say anything, “and you answered your phone?”
Looking around the room, and finding no sympathetic faces to back him up, Dennis looked at me, “well, I didn’t think you’d notice.”
Let’s just say Dennis the CIA won’t be calling you anytime soon to be a secret agent.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
i want an IEP
A first year math teacher walks into the teacher’s room and declares:
I want an IEP*!
I can only work with one student.
Actually, that student is a college graduate.
He always does his homework and never complains.
I don’t have to teach anything, he already knows it all.
Hmm….IEP’s for teachers…I like this idea…..
*NOTE: An IEP is an Individualized Education Plan. These are mainly for any student with a special need (behavioral, emotional, physical or psychological) or learning disability. However, any parent can request an IEP for their child and it is a legal document. Technically, if a parent believes that the school is not following the IEP, he/she can file a suit against the school.
I want an IEP*!
I can only work with one student.
Actually, that student is a college graduate.
He always does his homework and never complains.
I don’t have to teach anything, he already knows it all.
Hmm….IEP’s for teachers…I like this idea…..
*NOTE: An IEP is an Individualized Education Plan. These are mainly for any student with a special need (behavioral, emotional, physical or psychological) or learning disability. However, any parent can request an IEP for their child and it is a legal document. Technically, if a parent believes that the school is not following the IEP, he/she can file a suit against the school.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
teachers room quote of the day
Teacher #1: People up here hate the Yankees like people in the South hate Ted Kennedy and Satan.
Teacher #2: That's redundant, Ted Kennedy and Satan are the same person in the South.
Teacher #2: That's redundant, Ted Kennedy and Satan are the same person in the South.
Freudian slip or miscommunication?
We are in final review mode, meaning that each day the kids have an admit slip quiz. Today's topic: Evolution. There are several key concepts that should immediately come to mind when the students see evolution in a multiple choice questions: change, natural selection, mutation and allele frequencies are all acceptable answers (alas: myth, fiction and slander, are not acceptable answers...these were some of the answers my kids gave me at the beginning of the year when they heard "evolution").
I was trying to explain this in terms of word association. So I started with the example:
When you hear HOT what do you think of?
All the students responded in a chorus of "COLD!" Well, all the students but one: "Marijuana?" Cyrus said quizzically.
What?
The class turns to look at Cyrus.
Mia: did you just say “marijuana.”
Cyrus: yeah, I was scared to say that.
Miguel: You idiot, she said "HOT"
Cyrus: ohh hahah, I thought she said "Pot."
Miguel: You think Ms. S. smokes up?
Cyrus: Well, she's always sayin' random funny stuff
I was trying to explain this in terms of word association. So I started with the example:
When you hear HOT what do you think of?
All the students responded in a chorus of "COLD!" Well, all the students but one: "Marijuana?" Cyrus said quizzically.
What?
The class turns to look at Cyrus.
Mia: did you just say “marijuana.”
Cyrus: yeah, I was scared to say that.
Miguel: You idiot, she said "HOT"
Cyrus: ohh hahah, I thought she said "Pot."
Miguel: You think Ms. S. smokes up?
Cyrus: Well, she's always sayin' random funny stuff
Monday, May 15, 2006
First year teacher lesson #12: How to pretend you are a veteran teacher.
SCENARIO: Homeroom, Monday morning, no lesson planned for third period. You have the first two periods free. Scratch that, the assistant principle tells you he needs you to cover a freshman history class first period. Goodbye free period. Opps, nobody told you about the field trip today, which seven of your honors biology students will be on. Half way through second period: Opps, the buses went to the wrong school. Field trip is cancelled. You will have all your students in class.
How I would have handled this in the fall: Well, I obviously would not have gone out over the weekend and would have prepared an optimal and fantastically engaging lesson for third period on Monday. Freaked out about having to cover a bratty, mean freshman history class. Complained to another first year teacher about the field trip SNAFU.
What I did today: Check my gmail account. Wander over to the freshman history class, sit down and write up warning notices. Occasionally tell kids to pipe down, and cut out the F-bombs and stop calling kids the N-word or gay. Feel bad for the kids who didn’t get to go on the field trip. (Note I still haven’t planned a lesson yet). Give the honors bio kids an admit slip quiz, decide what I am going to do for class during those 5 minutes.
Moral: Kids can smell fear, carry lots of deodorant.
How I would have handled this in the fall: Well, I obviously would not have gone out over the weekend and would have prepared an optimal and fantastically engaging lesson for third period on Monday. Freaked out about having to cover a bratty, mean freshman history class. Complained to another first year teacher about the field trip SNAFU.
What I did today: Check my gmail account. Wander over to the freshman history class, sit down and write up warning notices. Occasionally tell kids to pipe down, and cut out the F-bombs and stop calling kids the N-word or gay. Feel bad for the kids who didn’t get to go on the field trip. (Note I still haven’t planned a lesson yet). Give the honors bio kids an admit slip quiz, decide what I am going to do for class during those 5 minutes.
Moral: Kids can smell fear, carry lots of deodorant.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
do i really want to know how my students would rate me?
There is a scene is Billy Madison where the principle, who is acting as a substitute teacher, intercepts a note being passed around the room. He then decides to read the note to the class, which goes a little something like this... We are so lucky to have the Principle as our substitute today (he beams as he reads this part of the note)....he should take his fat ass and throw it in front of a bus (his face falls about five feet)....
Literally, it is for this reason that I tend not to read the few notes I see. Rather I take the note and simply put it in my pocket. I think this causes enough terror for the kids, because they have no idea what I'll do with them.
There is a website that takes passing notes about your teachers to a whole new level. So if you're a teacher (and a glutton for punishment) or you're wondering if that crazy science teacher from high school is still insane as ever look 'em up @ www.ratemyteacher.com (NOTE: you do not need to be a member to look up or read teacher comments).
Literally, it is for this reason that I tend not to read the few notes I see. Rather I take the note and simply put it in my pocket. I think this causes enough terror for the kids, because they have no idea what I'll do with them.
There is a website that takes passing notes about your teachers to a whole new level. So if you're a teacher (and a glutton for punishment) or you're wondering if that crazy science teacher from high school is still insane as ever look 'em up @ www.ratemyteacher.com (NOTE: you do not need to be a member to look up or read teacher comments).
Friday, May 12, 2006
Teachers are #1!
What? Can that title be right? Teachers certainly aren't number one on the pay (or the respect) scale. So what on earth could teachers have earned a coveted number one spot for? Germs. According to a study done at the University of Arizona, teachers come in contact with far more germs than any other occupation. For the full results check out: http://cals.arizona.edu/media/archives/6.14.html
A is the First Letter of the Alphabet
A+. A. A-. B+. B. B-. C+. C. C-. D+. D. D-. F+. F.
There should be an F-.
There can’t be an F-, how can someone be below failing?
1. 2. 3. 4. Or is it 4. 3. 2. 1?
Letters and numbers are so parochial, symbols: a++; a+; a; a- are far superior!
What, exactly, is the difference between a a++ and a a+?
In less than 4 days I will finish my Masters Degree in Secondary Eduaction and yet there is something mildly ironic in that even after taking 12 graduate courses I have only a slightly better idea as to how to grade this paragraph than when I started my degree. I admit, I am a science teacher, but as a qualified teacher (at least according to the state of Massachusetts) shouldn’t I be able to whip out my red pen and confidently brand this paragraph with a grade? The answer is a resounding NO!
One of the many lessons I have learned this past year is that grading is anything but black and white. The issue of grading begs another question, are all A's equal? Should an A in an AP Chemistry class be of greater "value" than an A in an honors or remedial Chemistry class? When I was an AP student in high school I would vehemently argue that an A in an AP class is "worth" more than an "A" in a remedial class. But what exactly is an A "worth"? Right now the only thing I can be sure of when it comes to an A is that it's the first letter of the alphabet.
There should be an F-.
There can’t be an F-, how can someone be below failing?
1. 2. 3. 4. Or is it 4. 3. 2. 1?
Letters and numbers are so parochial, symbols: a++; a+; a; a- are far superior!
What, exactly, is the difference between a a++ and a a+?
In less than 4 days I will finish my Masters Degree in Secondary Eduaction and yet there is something mildly ironic in that even after taking 12 graduate courses I have only a slightly better idea as to how to grade this paragraph than when I started my degree. I admit, I am a science teacher, but as a qualified teacher (at least according to the state of Massachusetts) shouldn’t I be able to whip out my red pen and confidently brand this paragraph with a grade? The answer is a resounding NO!
One of the many lessons I have learned this past year is that grading is anything but black and white. The issue of grading begs another question, are all A's equal? Should an A in an AP Chemistry class be of greater "value" than an A in an honors or remedial Chemistry class? When I was an AP student in high school I would vehemently argue that an A in an AP class is "worth" more than an "A" in a remedial class. But what exactly is an A "worth"? Right now the only thing I can be sure of when it comes to an A is that it's the first letter of the alphabet.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Great American Literature
Question: What (or who) classifies a piece of writing as great American literature?I may not be an English teacher but I’m pretty sure Zane’s Sex Manuals, although my students would argue otherwise, doesn’t qualify.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Teacher Appreciation Week
Believe it or not there is, in fact an entire week dedicated to teacher appreciation. “Administrative Assistants” may only get one day, but they do get Hallmark ® cards. Because let’s be honest, holidays only exist if Hallmark makes a card for them. Hallmark actually has a Visitor Center, located in Kansas City, MO, which has won 75 Emmy’s since opening in 1951 (I wish I were making this up… if you don’t believe it see for yourself at www.hallmarkvisitorscenter.com )
But anyway, back to the task at hand. My mom used to be big into teacher appreciation week when my sister and I were little; she would ask our teachers what was on their wish list and then…..actually buy it for them! Having recently been to a CVS to examine the pathetic array of overly florid Mother’s Day cards, I didn’t stumble across any teacher appreciation week cards, so how was I supposed to know?
First period had just started and I was in the biology class that I co-teach, when I looked up and saw one of my honors biology students standing at the door. After I opened it, she simply said, “It’s teacher appreciation week Ms. S.” as she handed me a floral gift bag. It wasn’t until a free period later in the day that I got to open her gift. Enclosed was the note below and a Burt’s Bees Head to Toe travel set (which, by the way is my absolute favorite beauty/skin line). Her note said:
Ms. S.,
Thanks for being such a great teacher! It might not seem like your motivational talks, or extra pushes of encouragement to get my work done help, but they do in more ways than you'll ever know. Thanks again and happy teacher appreciation week. Words can't express how much of an influence you have been to better myself in every way possible.
ps. oh yeah, loved the ski trip, and plan on doing it regularly during the winter months. i'll always remember how much fun it was and how much it hurt!
But anyway, back to the task at hand. My mom used to be big into teacher appreciation week when my sister and I were little; she would ask our teachers what was on their wish list and then…..actually buy it for them! Having recently been to a CVS to examine the pathetic array of overly florid Mother’s Day cards, I didn’t stumble across any teacher appreciation week cards, so how was I supposed to know?
First period had just started and I was in the biology class that I co-teach, when I looked up and saw one of my honors biology students standing at the door. After I opened it, she simply said, “It’s teacher appreciation week Ms. S.” as she handed me a floral gift bag. It wasn’t until a free period later in the day that I got to open her gift. Enclosed was the note below and a Burt’s Bees Head to Toe travel set (which, by the way is my absolute favorite beauty/skin line). Her note said:
Ms. S.,
Thanks for being such a great teacher! It might not seem like your motivational talks, or extra pushes of encouragement to get my work done help, but they do in more ways than you'll ever know. Thanks again and happy teacher appreciation week. Words can't express how much of an influence you have been to better myself in every way possible.
ps. oh yeah, loved the ski trip, and plan on doing it regularly during the winter months. i'll always remember how much fun it was and how much it hurt!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
essential elements
The year is winding down which means it’s time to start reviewing for the final. I have these two overly giddy female students who regularly sneak out of lunch and come to my room to say hello. After realizing that this behavior (which is now frowned upon by the administration who feels strongly that teachers “desperately need down time”) didn’t seem to have an end in sight I decided to have the girls answer review questions anytime they came to visit. HA! Yeah right I’m thinking to myself, there’s no way these kids are going to leave lunch to do more work….How wrong I was. So taking this in stride, we reviewed photosynthesis and moved onto basic biological chemistry.
OK Michelle, what are the four elements which are essential to living things?
Ummm, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen and ahh, orgasm? Ahh! I mean oxygen! Oxygen!
Yeah, well Michelle, some people would argue you’re right either way.
OK Michelle, what are the four elements which are essential to living things?
Ummm, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen and ahh, orgasm? Ahh! I mean oxygen! Oxygen!
Yeah, well Michelle, some people would argue you’re right either way.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
please don't tap the glass
Have you ever been to the aquarium or the reptile house at the zoo and you see the little sign politely asking you to "please don't tap the glass"? But you think to yourself, "well, if I run my finger over the glass and 'accidentally' tap it, it's not like it'll matter..." So you do, you tap the glass and the adorable (or frightening) creature inside tries to pretend you're not there. That little creature does a pretty good job ignoring you...when it's just you. But when the 10 other people in your group come over and do the same thing, well that's just plain mean.
Perhaps you're thinking, oh she must have gone on a field trip today... nope, quite the opposite, I was at school all day. So now you're thinking, where is she going with this?
Teaching at a pilot school, we always have visitors who look in on classes to see how we teach and what the students are doing. I'm all for that.... But today was ridiculous. About 10 minutes into second period, a swarm of wide-eyed out of town educators, draped in visitor badges and toting clipboards filed, unannouced, into my class. When I asked if there was anything I could help them with, they responded, as if I were a pushy departments sales clerk, by saying, "no, we're just looking." If the purpose of the visit is to see how the class runs, wouldn't it be better if there were more students in the class than adults? And wouldn't it help to give an accurate portrayl of the class if the people observing didn't wander around and distract the students (and the teacher)?
So to that end, I offer a very sincere apology to any animal whose tank I may have 'accidentally' tapped on the glass.
Perhaps you're thinking, oh she must have gone on a field trip today... nope, quite the opposite, I was at school all day. So now you're thinking, where is she going with this?
Teaching at a pilot school, we always have visitors who look in on classes to see how we teach and what the students are doing. I'm all for that.... But today was ridiculous. About 10 minutes into second period, a swarm of wide-eyed out of town educators, draped in visitor badges and toting clipboards filed, unannouced, into my class. When I asked if there was anything I could help them with, they responded, as if I were a pushy departments sales clerk, by saying, "no, we're just looking." If the purpose of the visit is to see how the class runs, wouldn't it be better if there were more students in the class than adults? And wouldn't it help to give an accurate portrayl of the class if the people observing didn't wander around and distract the students (and the teacher)?
So to that end, I offer a very sincere apology to any animal whose tank I may have 'accidentally' tapped on the glass.
high stakes and big money
Yesterday two amazing things happened...
1. It's official, 100% of our students have passed the MCAS!
2. The scholarship money for the graduating class of seniors (which is only about 50 kids) is almost at $500,000.
1. It's official, 100% of our students have passed the MCAS!
2. The scholarship money for the graduating class of seniors (which is only about 50 kids) is almost at $500,000.
limited shelf life
We got a huge biotech grant for this year and were able to get a just plain silly amout of equipment. The crowning glory for this being a brand new incubator, 4 gel electrophesis kits and 20 micropipettes of varying sizes. To have all this equipment in an urban public high school is pretty much unheard of (especially because it's expenisve and needs to be handled with care).
That is basically the talk I give my first period honors bio class as I am literally unwrapping the equipment in front of them. But what I bet some of them heard was this:
Blah Blah Blah biowhat? this year and were able to get a just plain silly amout of equipment. Blah Blah new incubator, 4 something? huh? and 20 microscopes of varying sizes. To have all this stuff in the ghetto is pretty much unheard of. The shit's expenisve, ya better not break it.
In part one of the lab the kids practice pipetting, some kids are OK, some are terrible and some look like they've been doing it for years. There's the usual chatter and then I hear "dumbass!" followed by a punching sound. The group of four boys that the "dumbass" comes from becomes suspiciously silent. My limited experience has taught me that anytime high school boys yell loudly and then become mute, life is about to change.
Needless to say, we burried a brand new pipette that afternoon. It had a good life, all 25 minutes of it.
That is basically the talk I give my first period honors bio class as I am literally unwrapping the equipment in front of them. But what I bet some of them heard was this:
Blah Blah Blah biowhat? this year and were able to get a just plain silly amout of equipment. Blah Blah new incubator, 4 something? huh? and 20 microscopes of varying sizes. To have all this stuff in the ghetto is pretty much unheard of. The shit's expenisve, ya better not break it.
In part one of the lab the kids practice pipetting, some kids are OK, some are terrible and some look like they've been doing it for years. There's the usual chatter and then I hear "dumbass!" followed by a punching sound. The group of four boys that the "dumbass" comes from becomes suspiciously silent. My limited experience has taught me that anytime high school boys yell loudly and then become mute, life is about to change.
Needless to say, we burried a brand new pipette that afternoon. It had a good life, all 25 minutes of it.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
An new twist on an old classic
I wish I could say I actually had a student submit this to me, but alas, not. One of the history teachers at school found it online:
http://www.eng.usf.edu/~dionson/ezzay/
http://www.eng.usf.edu/~dionson/ezzay/
Atomic Mass
Oh my chemistry class.
The topic: Parts of an atom (protons, neutrons and electrons) and the periodic table.
The activity: The kids are asked to count the number of protons (symbolized by black circles) and neutrons (symbolized by white circles) inside the nuclei of several drawings of atoms.
The comment: “Yo, Yo, Ms!!!! (fits of laughter and shoving) Evan wants to know what his atomic mass is if he has 2 little black balls in his center.”
What I say: I don’t know, does he have any neutrons?
What I am thinking: Well, gosh, does he have any little white balls, because if he does, maybe you should take him to the nurse.
The topic: Parts of an atom (protons, neutrons and electrons) and the periodic table.
The activity: The kids are asked to count the number of protons (symbolized by black circles) and neutrons (symbolized by white circles) inside the nuclei of several drawings of atoms.
The comment: “Yo, Yo, Ms!!!! (fits of laughter and shoving) Evan wants to know what his atomic mass is if he has 2 little black balls in his center.”
What I say: I don’t know, does he have any neutrons?
What I am thinking: Well, gosh, does he have any little white balls, because if he does, maybe you should take him to the nurse.
Smells like...
The curriculum I use is called Living By Chemistry. There is no textbook to speak of and it’s all based on activities. The kids are introduced to organic chemistry by smelling 15 different things. The point of the activity is for them to classify the smells as sweet, putrid, minty etc… Then the kids learn that smells are the result of specific functional groups. It’s actually a really great way to make o-chem less frightening.
It’s the first day of the Smells unit and I am doing the aforementioned lab….
“Aaron, here, have you smelled this yet?” I ask as I hand him a ziplock bag.
Aaron takes the bag, shoves his nose inside and his eyes light up with a mixture of shock and amazement, “Damn Ms.! That smells like pussy!”
Trying to keep a straight face, I manage to reply, “I’m sorry what?”
Aaron looks up at me with his big brown eyes, “I’m sorry Ms., that’s just what it smells like.”
At this point, part of me wants to say, “well maybe you should stop going down on girls with bacterial infections, you’re 15 for Christ’s sake!” But I don’t, instead I simply ask him if it smells, like anything else, “naw, Ms. just pussy….”
Well, Aaron, it was supposed to smell like fish.
It’s the first day of the Smells unit and I am doing the aforementioned lab….
“Aaron, here, have you smelled this yet?” I ask as I hand him a ziplock bag.
Aaron takes the bag, shoves his nose inside and his eyes light up with a mixture of shock and amazement, “Damn Ms.! That smells like pussy!”
Trying to keep a straight face, I manage to reply, “I’m sorry what?”
Aaron looks up at me with his big brown eyes, “I’m sorry Ms., that’s just what it smells like.”
At this point, part of me wants to say, “well maybe you should stop going down on girls with bacterial infections, you’re 15 for Christ’s sake!” But I don’t, instead I simply ask him if it smells, like anything else, “naw, Ms. just pussy….”
Well, Aaron, it was supposed to smell like fish.
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb
I co-teach a remedial biology class which is full of characters.
These two kids are goofing around at the end of the class:
Me: Hey, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, can we hang in there for 5 more minutes?
Student 1: (grinning) Fine, I’m Tweedle Dee.
Student 2: Tweedle Dee’s gay.
Student 1: Hell no! Then I’m Tweedle Dumb
The other teacher: (under her breath) then I guess he got his wish.
These two kids are goofing around at the end of the class:
Me: Hey, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, can we hang in there for 5 more minutes?
Student 1: (grinning) Fine, I’m Tweedle Dee.
Student 2: Tweedle Dee’s gay.
Student 1: Hell no! Then I’m Tweedle Dumb
The other teacher: (under her breath) then I guess he got his wish.
The Lab Coat
When the assistant headmaster reads the roster for my period 4 chemistry class, he tosses his head back releasing a maniacal laugh; the kind of laugh Noah had when his neighbors said, “it’s just a rain shower, it’ll pass.”
It’s our first wet lab of the year and I’m busy helping a pair of students learn how to use a triple beam balance, when I hear my mentor teacher call my name.
Ms. S., do you want Danny wearing your lab coat? Despite already knowing the answer to this question, she waits for my response.
Staring Danny down, I emphatically reply, Absolutely not!
Danny swaggers, shrugging his shoulders, well the cabinet was open, so I figuahed I could reach in and take it.
With completely uncharacteristic speed I somehow reply, well Danny, your mouth’s always open, but you don’t see me stickin’ my hands in there. This response is greeted with “ooooooooooooh, she gotcha good!” by the rest of the class. If I thought Danny were capable of blushing, I’d say he did, but he definitely put that lab coat back.
It’s our first wet lab of the year and I’m busy helping a pair of students learn how to use a triple beam balance, when I hear my mentor teacher call my name.
Ms. S., do you want Danny wearing your lab coat? Despite already knowing the answer to this question, she waits for my response.
Staring Danny down, I emphatically reply, Absolutely not!
Danny swaggers, shrugging his shoulders, well the cabinet was open, so I figuahed I could reach in and take it.
With completely uncharacteristic speed I somehow reply, well Danny, your mouth’s always open, but you don’t see me stickin’ my hands in there. This response is greeted with “ooooooooooooh, she gotcha good!” by the rest of the class. If I thought Danny were capable of blushing, I’d say he did, but he definitely put that lab coat back.
Monday, May 01, 2006
from day 1
Running down the freshly painted hall is Tiara, a ball of energy who is 5’ tall on a good day.
Ooooh Ms. Mayahz, she screams,(which is really Ms. MeyeRs) how was ya summah?
Fine, Tiara, how was yours?
Oh, it was aight, oooh I’m sooo excited foh biology this yea.’ Ah we gonna do reproduction?
Um, yes, we probably will. This is Ms. S., she’ll be teaching your biology class, so you’ll have to ask her.
Turning to me, Tiara grins and repeats her question: Ah we gonna do reproduction? Still overwhelmed by this miniature siren, I manage to reply, I’m sure we’ll cover it in some capacity.
Ooooh yay! I loooooove reprahduction! Skipping down the hallway, Tiara sings: Oooh I luv a good fuck, I luv a good fuck! I luva, luva, luva a good fuck!
I turn to Ms. Meyers, who has been kind enough to retrieve my jaw from the floor, with a look of d-d-did that just happen? Without missing a beat, she cheerfully replies, oh, Tiara’s so funny.
Funny? That’s one word, but not the word I would have chosen. Welcome to my first year teaching in an urban public school.
Ooooh Ms. Mayahz, she screams,(which is really Ms. MeyeRs) how was ya summah?
Fine, Tiara, how was yours?
Oh, it was aight, oooh I’m sooo excited foh biology this yea.’ Ah we gonna do reproduction?
Um, yes, we probably will. This is Ms. S., she’ll be teaching your biology class, so you’ll have to ask her.
Turning to me, Tiara grins and repeats her question: Ah we gonna do reproduction? Still overwhelmed by this miniature siren, I manage to reply, I’m sure we’ll cover it in some capacity.
Ooooh yay! I loooooove reprahduction! Skipping down the hallway, Tiara sings: Oooh I luv a good fuck, I luv a good fuck! I luva, luva, luva a good fuck!
I turn to Ms. Meyers, who has been kind enough to retrieve my jaw from the floor, with a look of d-d-did that just happen? Without missing a beat, she cheerfully replies, oh, Tiara’s so funny.
Funny? That’s one word, but not the word I would have chosen. Welcome to my first year teaching in an urban public school.
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